A New Season

My Life

A lot has happened in the months that I have neglected my writing. One of my best friends got married, I graduated from Florida State University with a B.A. in English, got a car as a graduation gift, and am now looking for a job. A lot of friends started class today and I am definitely enjoying being blissfully unaware of schedules, homework assignments, and test grades. That said, though being out of school is liberating, I also feel as if I have abandoned the only life I knew (that of a student) and have traveled to an unknown land of resumes, cover letters, and interviews.

In this land, I have not yet learned to be successful. As a student, success was not a problem. If I had a test, I would study and usually do well on it. If I had a paper to write, I would do my research and write it well. If I accomplished all this I would be successful. Though I have a lot to learn about the working world I do know that my success will not be measured in letter grades. So what's the rubric consist of in the working world? Competency? Reliability? People skills? The ability to sell myself? Hmm...I think the answer might be all of the above and then some. Employers want competent, reliable, hard-working employees who are confident and capable of building relationships.

You have to be growing in all of these areas to do well because no matter what you do all of these qualities are important. Being in school has taught me most, if not all, of these qualities. To make good grades, I had to be competent in the material I was learning, hard-working, and go to class regularly. I had to interact with the other students, working as a team to be successful. Knowing that I have the skills necessary to be successful in the work place should be a source of comfort to me but somehow the idea of establishing myself as an independent woman is still frightening and having to interact with others on a professional level is still a bit intimidating.

Despite these fears of the unknown world I am embarking on, I am excited to board the ship and get there. I am anxious to see all that God has in store for me in this next season of my life and don't want to let anything keep me from living in His perfect and providential will.

Blessings, Blues, and Blinders

Usually when I sit down to write, I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to write about. Today, however, is not such an occasion but I need to write. Anyway, I guess telling you a little bit about my summer wouldn't be a bad a place to start. Perhaps, something more specific will spark from my account.

This summer I was privileged to participate in an internship with Ligonier Ministries. I got to do so many cool things. I edited books, wrote radio scripts and even wrote a book release. I also got to learn about the heads of the departments within the ministry, becoming more familiar with the purposes and goals of the ministry simultaneously. I was blessed to work under Deborah Finnamore, a sister and friend who has become very dear to me over the last weeks. She has guided and supported me throughout my internship and I have gained so much from her gentle heart and unwavering confidence in me.

Other than the benefits an internship usually gives you such as experience and something to put on your resume, God graciously allowed me the wonderful opportunity to get to know and grow closer to my sisters in the faith, Heidi, Karisa, and Tabitha. Their sweet and loving hearts have been such a wonderful blessing of comfort and companionship to me this summer, as I have been missing my dear friends from FSU and sometimes feeling like there isn't a place for me here in the general Orlando area. That has made the summer more difficult, an almost winter of sorts for a lonely heart.

But God teaches us that we are never truly alone. "Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matt. 28:20). And He promises never to forsake us (Deut. 31:6,8; Ps. 37:28). He uses these times to cause us to run to Him and to look to Him alone to tell us who we are in Him and because of Him, to find our strength, and to take refuge in His loving arms. The lessons of loneliness are not easy but they are necessary.

Over the past few weeks, even months, I have become aware of an unhealthy mindset I have allowed to grow and fester within me. I have been comparing myself to a friend and her spiritual walk instead of focusing on my own personal walk with the Lord. Every time I looked at how well she seemed to live her Christian life, I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. I would say to myself, "Kayla, you'll never be as good as this person and so you'll never get the things that she has and that you want." Not only is this a thought from the Devil himself, but it also encouraged an envious and ungrateful heart. It also stole away any motivation I might have had to grow closer to God simply for the sake of knowing Him more intimately because I put a measuring stick up to someone else and said, "This is how I should look and anything less isn't worth investing in."

Well, every time I held up that measuring stick, I fell short. I saw the magnitude of sin in my heart and was overwhelmed. I felt like David who proclaimed in Psalm 51, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me" (v. 3). I asked myself, "How will I ever be able to overcome my lack of self-discipline, my inconsistency, and my lack of perseverance? Why do I feel alone in this fight? Doesn't God want me to be victorious?"

The answer is a resounding, "Yes." God does want us to overcome our sin and He will help us do it. 1 John 5:4-5 says, "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" I realized that I have been relying on my own strength and that's why I keep on failing. I need to repent of this and turn to Christ and rely on His strength, for only then can I be victorious.

I once heard someone describe walking your own Christian walk as a horse running a race. The jockey always places blinders over the horse's eyes so that the only thing he can see is the dirt right in front of him, keeping him from being distracted from the other horses in the race. We have to remember that all Christians are in different stages of maturity. Some are farther along than others and that's okay. The danger is in expecting ourselves to be as spiritually mature as someone else overnight and maybe even convincing ourselves that that person is perfect even though the Scriptures clearly tell us that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). Entertaining this mindset will be a stumbling block to you, so put your blinders on and don't let your brothers' and sisters' walks distract you from your own.

If you like what you've just read, be sure to follow my blog and check out my older posts!

Thanks for reading!

ReLaTiVe TrUtH?!?

This past semester I worked on a project for my Rhetorical Theory and Practice class. I was required to examine a topic prevalent to the 21st century. I chose to explore the concept of relative truth; a concept that has spread like wildfire in our culture. I had the privilege of interviewing several FSU students, getting their thoughts and ideas on the concept of truth. The responses were astounding. Most of the people believed that truth was relative in some way, shape or form. I even talked to a girl whom I perceived to be a Christian throughout the course of the interview, and I asked her if Islamic (or any other religion) beliefs are wrong. First, her friend, who wasn't a Christian, said that it's not our place to judge who's right and who's wrong. The Christian girl agreed and said that they're not wrong "just different." Now I find that to be discouraging and just sad. A girl who is claiming to be a Christian and knows Christ can't even say that Christianity is the only way. It makes you wonder if she's reading her Bible or if she even knows Jesus at all. The sad part is that she's not the only one. I'm sure there are many people who claim the name of Christ yet refuse the exclusivity of the gospel. They say, "Whatever way suits you best is the true way for you." Why aren't the Christians standing up for what's true? If we're reading our Bible we should know that there is only one way to God and Jesus is that one way. We shouldn't be afraid to say that someone else's beliefs are wrong. God's revealed to us the truth and we have the authority to stand on that truth. The gospel is absolute truth. There is no other way to God. There can't be. So, fellow Christians, will you stand up for the truth or will you, in your silence and passivity, help to advance the Devil's lie?

Another Valentine's Day

Flowers. Candy. Hearts. We've come to associate these gifts with the widely celebrated holiday, Valentine's Day, taking place each year on the 14th of February. For all those couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you enjoy celebrating your love to one another. To all those singles who have lived to see yet another year and still haven't found the one that you will cherish for now and always, you might be thinking, "Great, a whole day devoted to everything that reminds me of being single." And let me tell you, I am right there with you. It's tough when your friends are dating, getting engaged, tying the knot, etc... not to feel a little lonely, empty and without love. I've felt that way at times like these and when you feel that way it's important to be encouraged.

I'm part of a Christian community at Florida State University known as the Navigators. Their goal is to know Christ and to make Him known and they focus their time investing in students, equipping them for the work of evangelism and discipleship. I love it! Being a part of such a community has been such a blessing in my life. Each year the Navigator men put on a Valentine's Banquet in honor of the Navigator women. The Nav guys create a lovely evening for the Nav women by preparing dinner, song and encouragement, followed by lots of dancing. It's a wonderful time of encouragement for the women and makes us appreciate the Navigator men just that much more. This year was no exception. On Saturday evening, the Nav girls arrived, in semi-formal attire, at the banquet to be escorted in by a Nav guy, her seat pulled out for her and pushed back in, followed by being told how beautiful you look. Our orders for dinner were taken and our food was brought out to us. After dinner, there was a time of encouragement where all the men stood up and said something they appreciated about the Nav women, which was wonderful and finally, they performed a song. This year they did a play off of Justin Bieber's Baby and they did such a wonderful job. I think all of the girls' hearts turned to wax.

Even with all that encouragement though, I still ended up feeling lonely and wishing that I wasn't going to be single on yet another Valentine's day yet, it seemed inevitable and I am still single as I write this post. That being said, I woke up this morning to find that someone had slipped a note under my door. I opened it up and almost immediately started to cry. My roommate, the beautiful Miss. Sammi, had written some of the most encouraging words to me and I am so thankful that she did because it led me to Colossians 3:12: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved..." She reminded me that I am not alone in this world and that I am loved not only by people but that I am dearly loved by the God of the universe! How incredible is that?! God chose me out of this world, he set me apart, and set his steadfast love that never ceases upon me (Lam. 3:22). I don't need a man to make me feel loved because I already have the greatest love that can ever be given in Christ. He died for me, while I was still his enemy, a sinner in the sight of God (Rom. 5:8). He took my punishment so that I might come to God (1 Pet. 3:18) and God made me alive in Christ (Eph. 2:5). Now that is love. Not roses or chocolates, but love that compelled Christ to lay his life down for sinners like you and me, love that forgives, love that redeems, love that never ends, love that will never fail. So this Valentine's Day I could choose to mope around and throw myself a pity party or I could use this holiday to show the love of Christ to people who may have never seen or known it before. I choose the latter and because of that I can be content in the love of Christ and use my season of singleness to glorify God and prepare myself for when I will marry. Viewing my singleness as a gift rather than a burden refreshes me and encourages me to live for Christ. If marriage is part of God's plan for my life, then God knows exactly who it's going to be and when it's going to happen. There's nothing for me to worry about.

Do not be anxious...

This semester has been my hardest semester of college yet and it's only going to get more difficult. Whether it's a 10 page research project, final exams or searching for an internship, there is always going to be something to direct my attention away from the sovereignty of God. Forgetting that God is omnipotent and sovereign over my life causes me to be anxious. I start worrying about graduating on time and then what I am going to do after I graduate, what job I'm going to get, how much money I'll make, and so on and so forth. These thoughts produce anxiety and stress that only make it more difficult to deal with these issues. If I had no choice but to worry my daily life would be strenuous and without joy. Thankfully, there is another option. God doesn't want us to worry about our lives at all. He knows that anxiety can greedily steal away our strength and joy. He tells us in Philippians 4:6-7,

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

What an incredible promise! God wants us to come to Him with our worries and anxieties and He promises us that when we do he will grant us peace and not just any peace but His peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I remember one day this past semester when I was working on a 10 page draft of a research project for one of my English classes. I had about four pages to go and I needed to send off a completed draft to two of my peers that night so they could review it for me. I had classes during the day and right after class I had worship practice so I knew I wouldn't be getting a considerable amount of work done on it until later in the evening. Now, usually I would be freaking out about getting it done on time but I wasn't. I was actually experiencing what it was like to place all your care on Jesus (I Peter 5:7) and to rest in His perfect peace. It was blissful.

It also made me wonder why I don't rest in Him all the time. If it feels so good to rest with Jesus why do I make every effort to exclude Him from my life? Why do I continue to believe that I can handle everything on my own, when deep down I know that I can't handle anything without my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ?

1 Peter 5:7 says to "cast all your anxieties on Christ because he cares for you." Jesus doesn't want us to carry a heavy burden. He wants us to be free. Bring your cares to Christ, leave your anxiety at the cross. Then walk. Walk and do not faint. Then run. Run and do not grow weary.

When God knows just what to say...

A quiet time on John 8:23 yielded one of the best experiences I have had during my times spent with God.

As I was reading John 8:21-30, verse 23 stood out to me. Jesus is speaking and He says,

"You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world."

I was confused as to why this would stand out to me so I asked God what He would have me learn from it and I wanted to share with you what He said to me so here it goes:

Kayla,

Have you not realized what it took for Me to have you? Do you not yet understand the magnitude of your circumstances? You were a child of the devil, a citizen of this early world. I am the Son of God, a citizen of His heavenly and righteous kingdom. There is a great chasm between below and above and I stretched my arms across it for you! I did it for you! I suffered for you! I died for you! How can you still doubt your own worth? How can you despair of life and how can you compare yourself to others thinking that you should be the same as them or have the same things as they do. My dear, I didn't purchase you with My blood to make you become a clone of those around you. No! I purchased you with My very blood that you might stand out and be different! That you would know who your Maker is and fall in love with Me! Don't forget Me! Do not go after the lovers of this world. I will stop you! I will make My way go against you. I will not let you out of My arms. I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Do not forsake me now. Come, be quieted by my love. Let me rejoice over you with loud singing. Come my dear, My beautiful princess, let me speak tenderly to you. You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

I realized that I had been comparing myself to other people, trying to measure up to them or be like them. I've been struggling in this area for a long time. But God wants me to be unique. His body is diverse and He wants me to stand out from the crowd by becoming more like Christ, not by becoming like those around me.

Thank you God for exulting over ME with loud singing!!! (Zeph. 3:17)

Evangelism

Nearly every Monday night spent in Pigeon Forge, TN was spent going out into the streets of either Pigeon Forge or Gatlinburg and sharing the gospel. I remember my first night quite vividly. My team had been assigned Patriot Park in Pigeon Forge, and we parked the car in front of the cute little shopping center opposite the park. I was freaking out and so were my teammates. I remember saying, "Let's just get back in the car and go back to the cabin." I was probably thinking, "We don't really need to do this." That was Satan speaking through fear but even though we were all scared, team leader Carolina was there to save the day, speaking II Timothy 1:7 to us. "For God has given us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self-control." Isn't that awesome? Here we all were, scared and freaking out about approaching strangers and sharing the gospel with them and God, always being ready to help us combat the devil, whips out that verse, reassures us and brings us into willing obedience to him.

Now ready for anything the world had coming for us my partner and I approached our first victim (just kidding), our first person who we would share our illustration, known as the Bridge, with. He was a man, probably around his early 30s sitting with his adorable child who was heartily enjoying a very colorful lollipop that was also all over his face. So we approached him saying, "Hi, my name is Kayla and this is my friend Eriona. We're going around asking people to give their opinion of an illustration of the main theme of the Bible. Can we show it to you and get your opinion?" My friend was actually the one sharing this time so she started going through Romans 6:23 with him. About half-way through our presentation, the man's father came out of the store and we soon learned that the father was a pastor. We were amazed. All this time we had been sharing the gospel with the son of preacher. They allowed us to finish our presentation and we learned that the son was saved. That night was very encouraging even though after that we got several rejections. Each week it got easier but there were always those butterflies that refused to relent.

Now that I'm back on campus I wanted to put to use everything that I had learned over STP and for the past two weeks now my friend and I have been going out together once a week and sharing the bridge together. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us for the rest of the semester!