Blessings, Blues, and Blinders

Usually when I sit down to write, I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to write about. Today, however, is not such an occasion but I need to write. Anyway, I guess telling you a little bit about my summer wouldn't be a bad a place to start. Perhaps, something more specific will spark from my account.

This summer I was privileged to participate in an internship with Ligonier Ministries. I got to do so many cool things. I edited books, wrote radio scripts and even wrote a book release. I also got to learn about the heads of the departments within the ministry, becoming more familiar with the purposes and goals of the ministry simultaneously. I was blessed to work under Deborah Finnamore, a sister and friend who has become very dear to me over the last weeks. She has guided and supported me throughout my internship and I have gained so much from her gentle heart and unwavering confidence in me.

Other than the benefits an internship usually gives you such as experience and something to put on your resume, God graciously allowed me the wonderful opportunity to get to know and grow closer to my sisters in the faith, Heidi, Karisa, and Tabitha. Their sweet and loving hearts have been such a wonderful blessing of comfort and companionship to me this summer, as I have been missing my dear friends from FSU and sometimes feeling like there isn't a place for me here in the general Orlando area. That has made the summer more difficult, an almost winter of sorts for a lonely heart.

But God teaches us that we are never truly alone. "Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matt. 28:20). And He promises never to forsake us (Deut. 31:6,8; Ps. 37:28). He uses these times to cause us to run to Him and to look to Him alone to tell us who we are in Him and because of Him, to find our strength, and to take refuge in His loving arms. The lessons of loneliness are not easy but they are necessary.

Over the past few weeks, even months, I have become aware of an unhealthy mindset I have allowed to grow and fester within me. I have been comparing myself to a friend and her spiritual walk instead of focusing on my own personal walk with the Lord. Every time I looked at how well she seemed to live her Christian life, I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. I would say to myself, "Kayla, you'll never be as good as this person and so you'll never get the things that she has and that you want." Not only is this a thought from the Devil himself, but it also encouraged an envious and ungrateful heart. It also stole away any motivation I might have had to grow closer to God simply for the sake of knowing Him more intimately because I put a measuring stick up to someone else and said, "This is how I should look and anything less isn't worth investing in."

Well, every time I held up that measuring stick, I fell short. I saw the magnitude of sin in my heart and was overwhelmed. I felt like David who proclaimed in Psalm 51, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me" (v. 3). I asked myself, "How will I ever be able to overcome my lack of self-discipline, my inconsistency, and my lack of perseverance? Why do I feel alone in this fight? Doesn't God want me to be victorious?"

The answer is a resounding, "Yes." God does want us to overcome our sin and He will help us do it. 1 John 5:4-5 says, "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" I realized that I have been relying on my own strength and that's why I keep on failing. I need to repent of this and turn to Christ and rely on His strength, for only then can I be victorious.

I once heard someone describe walking your own Christian walk as a horse running a race. The jockey always places blinders over the horse's eyes so that the only thing he can see is the dirt right in front of him, keeping him from being distracted from the other horses in the race. We have to remember that all Christians are in different stages of maturity. Some are farther along than others and that's okay. The danger is in expecting ourselves to be as spiritually mature as someone else overnight and maybe even convincing ourselves that that person is perfect even though the Scriptures clearly tell us that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). Entertaining this mindset will be a stumbling block to you, so put your blinders on and don't let your brothers' and sisters' walks distract you from your own.

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Thanks for reading!