Not All Rainbows and Butterflies

There are many who would have you believe that if you become a Christian everything in your life will be easy. There are preachers who preach that your life will be free from suffering, all things will go your way and you will be materially prosperous once you give all control over to Christ. That is a lie.

Nowhere in Scripture does Christ say, “Follow me and your life will be all rainbows and butterflies.” What does He say? “If anyone would come after me let him take up his cross and deny himself and follow me.” Take up his cross? Deny himself? That doesn’t sound like rainbows and butterflies and you would be right. It’s not. The Christian life is the hardest there is to live. We should not only expect suffering but we are promised suffering. We are fish swimming up stream constantly. There is no time to relax, no point at which we can stop and catch our breath. We must be always on our guard because our flesh is always ready to take advantage of our weakness and the devil is standing in the shadows preparing snares for our feet. 

My brothers and sisters, if life were supposed to be easy God would have laid everything we could ever need or desire right at our feet. But if this were the case, there would be no need to trust Him, and no need to rely on His faithfulness. So we have trials. Sometimes God might wait until the last minute to provide a need for you just to see if you’ll still trust Him when your need is most dire. He tests us. And this is good! Tests show us where we are at in our walk with God. Just like in school, they help us track the progress we are making in a particular area of our life. Sometimes, we may fail but the Lord remains faithful even then. So dear reader, I exhort you to put your trust in our Lord and His providence and to have faith that He will always be faithful to us, His children. Only by casting our cares on Him and trusting in Him for our every need will we have the true rest we are all longing for. 

A Means to An End

Quite often I find myself daydreaming of the day that I will walk down the aisle in a stunning white dress toward the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. Ah, yes, my wedding day. I think of it often, yet the face I will see looking down the aisle is still quite the mystery.

Some days I'm able to enjoy the mystery and savor the excitement of one day finding out who Mr. Right is but most days I tell God that I'm tired of waiting and think that I'm quite ready to bring an end to this dreary season of singleness.

Despite my constant petitions, encouraging nudges and attempts to make it so, the Lord has so far denied my request. This is a hard pill to swallow at times. I've officially entered the season where all my friends are getting married so I feel like it should be happening for me too, but it's not.

So why am I dissatisfied in the lot the Lord has given me? Singleness, though uncomfortable at times, really isn't that bad. You can do whatever you want to do, go wherever you to want to go, and maintain your own time and resources at your own discretion (bearing in mind the will of the Lord). But even so, in singleness we have A LOT of freedom. Why give that up?

I think I often fall into the trap of thinking that my life doesn't really begin until I have a man to share it with. So until he comes I'm just waiting around trying to look busy. But this ought not be the case. Marriage is not the end or goal of my life. Neither is singleness. God gives both and takes away both but the season is not an end in and of itself. Rather, each season is a means to God's end for our lives which is our sanctification (1 Thess. 4:3).

God gives us a season of singleness and a season of marriage to sanctify us. We can't worry that not being married means that we're not fulfilling our purpose. Our purpose is not to be married. Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him and we can do that whether or not we have a ring around our finger.

The Lord is sovereign over where you are right now even if you don't want to be there. Live out your singleness with earnestness. Use your talents to build up the kingdom of God, travel to another country, go on a mission trip. The possibilities are endless and being single means the barriers are low.

Each season in your life contributes to your sanctification. Take advantage of each one and don’t waste it. Trust God every day and hope in Him.  

The LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.  -Psalm 84:11

Freedom in God's Will

  Are you fretting over which school to go to, which job to take, who to marry or what house to buy? Do you worry that if you choose one path over another that you’ll miss out on what God had planned for you if you had chosen differently? Are you waiting for signs to appear and peace to befall you before you make a decision? 

I’ve been there and I know that it is a difficult place to be. For the Christian, decision making can often be confining and make you feel like you’re walking on a tight rope because we are doing our best to follow God’s will for our lives. However, we don’t and really can't know what God’s will is for our lives when it comes to what school to go to, what career to choose, or who to marry. The answers to those questions aren't in the Bible. This is why we (or at least I) often feel constrained when faced with a choice and always fearful of making the wrong decision.

I struggled for days and possibly weeks to decide whether I would go to Stetson University or Florida State University. I prayed. I weighed the pros and cons of each. And then I prayed some more. One day I would lean toward Stetson, the next I would want to go to FSU. I continued praying, wondering if God was ever going to “tell” me what school to go to. Still, after more praying and weighing of both options, I didn’t feel “God leading” me one way or the other. One day my dad told me that I had until the end of the day to make a decision. Yikes! The prospect of making such a decision in a matter of hours was not welcomed but by the end of the day I had decided to go to FSU. The decision had been made and there was no more going back.

Recently, I read Kevin DeYoung’s book, Just Do Something. It deals mainly with how to discern God’s will and make wise choices without waiting for a sign from above. Reading this book has completely liberated me from this sort of experience in decision making.

In his book, DeYoung explains that we are not meant to know what God’s hidden will for our lives is. All we can know for certain regarding His will is what He has laid out in Scripture. God does not expect us to know where He is taking us before we get there. He doesn’t expect us to know that we need to go to this school or buy this house in order to accomplish His will for our lives. More than that, He doesn’t plan to tell us in advance, before we make life-changing decisions.

So what can we do if God isn’t going to put up big red blinking arrows in the sky for us to happily follow along our way? We must search the Scriptures. There we will find the principles needed to make every decision we will ever be faced with. We must use these principles, check our motives, and finally ask God to grant us wisdom. And then we make the decision. We don’t wait for signs. We could end up waiting a long time and never do anything! What’s more, if we are looking for a sign are we really trusting God? If God “tells” us, “Yes, you must go to school here or buy that house” are we taking risks for Christ? Does not God desire us to put our trust in Him unreservedly?

So dig out the principles of decision making found in God’s word that He has given to us. Pray for wisdom and just make a decision. God’s will is not a tight rope as we often imagine it to be. But know that there is freedom in Christ! Freedom to obey His word, freedom to trust Him and freedom to make decisions without lying fleece on the ground. So stop living in fear that you are “missing out” on God’s will for your life if you make a decision without signs or visions or that supernatural peace that we often talk about. The only way to miss out on God’s will for your life is to not do anything at all!

Jet Lag in Avocado Falls

Avocado Tree 

When I first arrived at the Rafiki Village I was shown to the house where I would be staying. The actual guest house is closer to the entrance of the village but the ROS (Rafiki Overseas Staff) are playing around with accommodations for visitors so I am actually staying in one of the houses ROS would normally live in long-term. I must say the place is pretty classy. There's a kitchen, a living and dining room, two bedrooms and a bathroom. The living room is nicely furnished and the dining room has a large dining table in it. The bedrooms are fully equipped with plenty of closet room and mosquito nets over the bed.

I had maybe two hours before my orientation to shower and take a little nap. By this time I was really starting to feel jet lagged so I allowed myself 45 minutes or so to sleep. Then on my way to orientation I was greeted by Jack, the Village's new canine resident. Still a puppy, this Jack Russel terrier was being chased by about 17 of the resident boys living at the Rafiki village. Each boy came up to me, shook my hand and introduced themselves to me. One of them even called me 'Auntie'! It was the sweetest thing!

At orientation I learned that there are a lot of interesting noises that can be heard throughout the day at Rafiki, particularly in the houses. For instance, avocados will quite regularly fall from the tree onto the roof of the house I'm staying in and make sometimes very loud noises. The second morning I was here I woke up only a few minutes before I heard this huge boom! Though it was slightly off-putting I simply assumed it was another avocado falling from the tree. Another noise one might here is the music and emceeing coming from some sort of recreation center located right down the street where famous people often go to perform. Though the music often goes long into the night it is easy enough to tune out and by God's grace hasn't kept me from sleeping thus far. I have also heard the calls of many different kinds of birds and have probably heard monkeys too, though I haven't actually seen any in or around the village. One of the house maamas tells me that there are many but I learned today that one of the responsibilities of the guard is to keep the monkeys away so he must be really good at his job! 

I slept fine the first two nights I was here but on the third night I found myself wide awake at 12 midnight! I suppose the difference amounts to being tired from the long journey and then having recovered from that my body still had to adjust to the 7 hour time difference. Hopefully my body has got it figured out now and willingly goes to sleep tonight. 

And God said, "Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth." And it was so...And God said, "Let the waters swarm with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the heavens. So God created the great sea creatures and every living creature that moves...and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 

Genesis 1: 11; 21

Mzungu! Mzungu!

It is incredible how different life is here. There is so much poverty. Little kids will come up to your car windows with one hand out and the other pointing to their stomach, or they will ask for water if they see it in your car. It is the most heart-wrenching circumstance when you have to say no to giving them money or see how thankful they are for just a small glass of clean fresh water to drink. It makes you realize just how much you have taken for granted and how little you have truly been thankful for. For me, it is a sobering reminder to be thankful for even the smallest provisions that the Lord has given me. He has given me so much and yet I thank Him for so little. May my heart be moved to thankfulness more often!

On our way back to the village we made several stops. We stopped at this one woman's house to pick up goods she had handmade by order of Rafiki. Rafiki has a widows' program where they teach widows certain craft skills and then commission the making of those crafts and market them in the United States. It was really neat to witness first hand God's provision for this widow and her family. Her son, Charles, was such a gentleman too! He brought out our shoes to us as we were preparing to leave. What a sweetheart! 

Another stop we made was at a local church. The church was down the street from a market area and surrounded by open land and huts. Many children roamed the around the area near to the church and when they saw us approaching in the car they would yell 'mzungu, mzungu!' which means, 'white.' We got out of the car to make a delivery to someone at the church and as we got out a few of the children approached us. I greeted them and they were very polite in return. As we were walking toward the church, one child reached his hand in mine and held it until we reached our destination. My heart melted! 

Never in my life have I been confronted with such severe circumstances and yet everyone you meet is simply overflowing with joy. The child holding my hand on the way to church, the children residents at the Rafiki village. Each one of them, despite the disparity of their circumstances, have this incredible joy shining on their faces, a joy that cannot be heard through speech but must be seen with the eyes. Their joy is so great that it overflows onto those around them. 

The joy that comes from these young ones is infectious. I cannot help but be joyful in their presence and moved to thankfulness and peace of mind and heart when they are near. I am looking forward to the two weeks or so I have remaining to spend with them. 

Blessed are those whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs. 

Psalm 84:5-6a

Traveling Mercies

I made it! I have traveled half way across the world to the Wakiso district of Uganda in Africa. Wow! I can still hardly believe that I'm here! It took 2 days of traveling to get here. One 3 hour flight, one 6 1/2 hour flight and one 10 hour flight. Let me tell you, that is a lot of time to spend on a plane. The time changes wreak havoc on your brain's internal clock. When I arrived in Amsterdam I met up with a missions team and we went to have breakfast in the airport and I was ready for dinner! Finally, we boarded the plane from Amsterdam to Entebbe, Uganda only before we took off an announcement was made (in both Dutch and English) that there had been a problem in the security process and that they needed to empty the plane completely and then board again. Ayayaya! It was my first delay the whole trip so I suppose I cannot complain too much. Finally, we arrived in Entebbe where before landing I experienced my first aborted landing attempt. The plane had been descending getting ready to land when the attempt had to be abandoned and we started going up again! Eventually we were able to land and we had finally arrived in Uganda.

It took very little time to collect our baggage and after we made our way to the parking lot where the team I was with had two people waiting for our arrival. They loaded up all of luggage (and together it was quite a lot!) on top of a van and we all scrunched together to fit 12 people in an 8 person vehicle. Ha! Our hosts drove us to a facility somewhere between Entebbe and the country's capital, Kampala. It was very late when we arrived probably sometime after midnight. The kind people at the facility had dinner ready for us and so once we settled in we ate dinner at about 1:00 in the morning.

The next day, a wonderful lady from the Rafiki Village in Uganda, picked me up from the facility that I had stayed the night at. From there we went to the supermarket, exchanged my U.S. dollars for Ugandan shillings, bought groceries and had lunch at a restaurant called Good African Coffee. The food was delicious! We drove around the campus of African Bible College and then headed back to the village.

The Lord has surely showered his mercies over me in allowing me to arrive safely and without much delay to this new place. I am very grateful for His hand of provision that has allowed me to go on this trip of a lifetime. The God I serve is a mighty God! May He receive all the glory!

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness! 

Lamentations 3:22-23

Safe in His Hands

It's weird--growing up. It's an awkward place to be. One day you're respectfully addressing your elders as Mr. or Mrs. So and So and the next they are telling you to call them by their first names. Not only that, they actually start talking to you like you're an adult, telling you about their job opportunities or asking your thoughts on theology and church liturgy, not a conversation frequently encountered when you're a kid.

And so you begin the transition. The next time you see Mr. So and So you call him that out of habit only to have him remind you that it's Bob or Jim. It's not that you don't understand, it's that it's so unfamiliar, so awkward and wrong-feeling that you can't bring yourself to actually call him by his first name. You cling to your old ways, not wanting to leave them because then that means you've actually grown up and who wants to do that? Especially in today's economy.

Suddenly, the political debates are now important to keep up with because you're now going to be immediately affected by the way the government handles things. You have to find a job if you plan on moving out of the house any time soon. The newness of it all is simply terrifying and the enormity of the responsibility you're taking on weighs you down as if an invisible force field is keeping you from standing up completely straight. And yet, there's no turning back. You are where you are and though you may want to go back to your worry-free childhood, you know that there's only one way to go and that's forward.

So how does one make this transition? Maybe it's out there but I haven't seen a "Growing Up for Dummies" manual in the bookstores. And when do you stop transitioning and arrive?

Perhaps I have built myself up for a grand, insightful explanation but I'm going to have to disappoint you, my kind reader, because I really have no idea. All I know is that God is sovereign and that I should trust Him, follow His principles, and pray for wisdom. I am safe in His hands and He will not forsake me.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

A New Season

My Life

A lot has happened in the months that I have neglected my writing. One of my best friends got married, I graduated from Florida State University with a B.A. in English, got a car as a graduation gift, and am now looking for a job. A lot of friends started class today and I am definitely enjoying being blissfully unaware of schedules, homework assignments, and test grades. That said, though being out of school is liberating, I also feel as if I have abandoned the only life I knew (that of a student) and have traveled to an unknown land of resumes, cover letters, and interviews.

In this land, I have not yet learned to be successful. As a student, success was not a problem. If I had a test, I would study and usually do well on it. If I had a paper to write, I would do my research and write it well. If I accomplished all this I would be successful. Though I have a lot to learn about the working world I do know that my success will not be measured in letter grades. So what's the rubric consist of in the working world? Competency? Reliability? People skills? The ability to sell myself? Hmm...I think the answer might be all of the above and then some. Employers want competent, reliable, hard-working employees who are confident and capable of building relationships.

You have to be growing in all of these areas to do well because no matter what you do all of these qualities are important. Being in school has taught me most, if not all, of these qualities. To make good grades, I had to be competent in the material I was learning, hard-working, and go to class regularly. I had to interact with the other students, working as a team to be successful. Knowing that I have the skills necessary to be successful in the work place should be a source of comfort to me but somehow the idea of establishing myself as an independent woman is still frightening and having to interact with others on a professional level is still a bit intimidating.

Despite these fears of the unknown world I am embarking on, I am excited to board the ship and get there. I am anxious to see all that God has in store for me in this next season of my life and don't want to let anything keep me from living in His perfect and providential will.

Blessings, Blues, and Blinders

Usually when I sit down to write, I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to write about. Today, however, is not such an occasion but I need to write. Anyway, I guess telling you a little bit about my summer wouldn't be a bad a place to start. Perhaps, something more specific will spark from my account.

This summer I was privileged to participate in an internship with Ligonier Ministries. I got to do so many cool things. I edited books, wrote radio scripts and even wrote a book release. I also got to learn about the heads of the departments within the ministry, becoming more familiar with the purposes and goals of the ministry simultaneously. I was blessed to work under Deborah Finnamore, a sister and friend who has become very dear to me over the last weeks. She has guided and supported me throughout my internship and I have gained so much from her gentle heart and unwavering confidence in me.

Other than the benefits an internship usually gives you such as experience and something to put on your resume, God graciously allowed me the wonderful opportunity to get to know and grow closer to my sisters in the faith, Heidi, Karisa, and Tabitha. Their sweet and loving hearts have been such a wonderful blessing of comfort and companionship to me this summer, as I have been missing my dear friends from FSU and sometimes feeling like there isn't a place for me here in the general Orlando area. That has made the summer more difficult, an almost winter of sorts for a lonely heart.

But God teaches us that we are never truly alone. "Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matt. 28:20). And He promises never to forsake us (Deut. 31:6,8; Ps. 37:28). He uses these times to cause us to run to Him and to look to Him alone to tell us who we are in Him and because of Him, to find our strength, and to take refuge in His loving arms. The lessons of loneliness are not easy but they are necessary.

Over the past few weeks, even months, I have become aware of an unhealthy mindset I have allowed to grow and fester within me. I have been comparing myself to a friend and her spiritual walk instead of focusing on my own personal walk with the Lord. Every time I looked at how well she seemed to live her Christian life, I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. I would say to myself, "Kayla, you'll never be as good as this person and so you'll never get the things that she has and that you want." Not only is this a thought from the Devil himself, but it also encouraged an envious and ungrateful heart. It also stole away any motivation I might have had to grow closer to God simply for the sake of knowing Him more intimately because I put a measuring stick up to someone else and said, "This is how I should look and anything less isn't worth investing in."

Well, every time I held up that measuring stick, I fell short. I saw the magnitude of sin in my heart and was overwhelmed. I felt like David who proclaimed in Psalm 51, "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me" (v. 3). I asked myself, "How will I ever be able to overcome my lack of self-discipline, my inconsistency, and my lack of perseverance? Why do I feel alone in this fight? Doesn't God want me to be victorious?"

The answer is a resounding, "Yes." God does want us to overcome our sin and He will help us do it. 1 John 5:4-5 says, "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" I realized that I have been relying on my own strength and that's why I keep on failing. I need to repent of this and turn to Christ and rely on His strength, for only then can I be victorious.

I once heard someone describe walking your own Christian walk as a horse running a race. The jockey always places blinders over the horse's eyes so that the only thing he can see is the dirt right in front of him, keeping him from being distracted from the other horses in the race. We have to remember that all Christians are in different stages of maturity. Some are farther along than others and that's okay. The danger is in expecting ourselves to be as spiritually mature as someone else overnight and maybe even convincing ourselves that that person is perfect even though the Scriptures clearly tell us that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). Entertaining this mindset will be a stumbling block to you, so put your blinders on and don't let your brothers' and sisters' walks distract you from your own.

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Thanks for reading!

ReLaTiVe TrUtH?!?

This past semester I worked on a project for my Rhetorical Theory and Practice class. I was required to examine a topic prevalent to the 21st century. I chose to explore the concept of relative truth; a concept that has spread like wildfire in our culture. I had the privilege of interviewing several FSU students, getting their thoughts and ideas on the concept of truth. The responses were astounding. Most of the people believed that truth was relative in some way, shape or form. I even talked to a girl whom I perceived to be a Christian throughout the course of the interview, and I asked her if Islamic (or any other religion) beliefs are wrong. First, her friend, who wasn't a Christian, said that it's not our place to judge who's right and who's wrong. The Christian girl agreed and said that they're not wrong "just different." Now I find that to be discouraging and just sad. A girl who is claiming to be a Christian and knows Christ can't even say that Christianity is the only way. It makes you wonder if she's reading her Bible or if she even knows Jesus at all. The sad part is that she's not the only one. I'm sure there are many people who claim the name of Christ yet refuse the exclusivity of the gospel. They say, "Whatever way suits you best is the true way for you." Why aren't the Christians standing up for what's true? If we're reading our Bible we should know that there is only one way to God and Jesus is that one way. We shouldn't be afraid to say that someone else's beliefs are wrong. God's revealed to us the truth and we have the authority to stand on that truth. The gospel is absolute truth. There is no other way to God. There can't be. So, fellow Christians, will you stand up for the truth or will you, in your silence and passivity, help to advance the Devil's lie?

Another Valentine's Day

Flowers. Candy. Hearts. We've come to associate these gifts with the widely celebrated holiday, Valentine's Day, taking place each year on the 14th of February. For all those couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you enjoy celebrating your love to one another. To all those singles who have lived to see yet another year and still haven't found the one that you will cherish for now and always, you might be thinking, "Great, a whole day devoted to everything that reminds me of being single." And let me tell you, I am right there with you. It's tough when your friends are dating, getting engaged, tying the knot, etc... not to feel a little lonely, empty and without love. I've felt that way at times like these and when you feel that way it's important to be encouraged.

I'm part of a Christian community at Florida State University known as the Navigators. Their goal is to know Christ and to make Him known and they focus their time investing in students, equipping them for the work of evangelism and discipleship. I love it! Being a part of such a community has been such a blessing in my life. Each year the Navigator men put on a Valentine's Banquet in honor of the Navigator women. The Nav guys create a lovely evening for the Nav women by preparing dinner, song and encouragement, followed by lots of dancing. It's a wonderful time of encouragement for the women and makes us appreciate the Navigator men just that much more. This year was no exception. On Saturday evening, the Nav girls arrived, in semi-formal attire, at the banquet to be escorted in by a Nav guy, her seat pulled out for her and pushed back in, followed by being told how beautiful you look. Our orders for dinner were taken and our food was brought out to us. After dinner, there was a time of encouragement where all the men stood up and said something they appreciated about the Nav women, which was wonderful and finally, they performed a song. This year they did a play off of Justin Bieber's Baby and they did such a wonderful job. I think all of the girls' hearts turned to wax.

Even with all that encouragement though, I still ended up feeling lonely and wishing that I wasn't going to be single on yet another Valentine's day yet, it seemed inevitable and I am still single as I write this post. That being said, I woke up this morning to find that someone had slipped a note under my door. I opened it up and almost immediately started to cry. My roommate, the beautiful Miss. Sammi, had written some of the most encouraging words to me and I am so thankful that she did because it led me to Colossians 3:12: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved..." She reminded me that I am not alone in this world and that I am loved not only by people but that I am dearly loved by the God of the universe! How incredible is that?! God chose me out of this world, he set me apart, and set his steadfast love that never ceases upon me (Lam. 3:22). I don't need a man to make me feel loved because I already have the greatest love that can ever be given in Christ. He died for me, while I was still his enemy, a sinner in the sight of God (Rom. 5:8). He took my punishment so that I might come to God (1 Pet. 3:18) and God made me alive in Christ (Eph. 2:5). Now that is love. Not roses or chocolates, but love that compelled Christ to lay his life down for sinners like you and me, love that forgives, love that redeems, love that never ends, love that will never fail. So this Valentine's Day I could choose to mope around and throw myself a pity party or I could use this holiday to show the love of Christ to people who may have never seen or known it before. I choose the latter and because of that I can be content in the love of Christ and use my season of singleness to glorify God and prepare myself for when I will marry. Viewing my singleness as a gift rather than a burden refreshes me and encourages me to live for Christ. If marriage is part of God's plan for my life, then God knows exactly who it's going to be and when it's going to happen. There's nothing for me to worry about.

Do not be anxious...

This semester has been my hardest semester of college yet and it's only going to get more difficult. Whether it's a 10 page research project, final exams or searching for an internship, there is always going to be something to direct my attention away from the sovereignty of God. Forgetting that God is omnipotent and sovereign over my life causes me to be anxious. I start worrying about graduating on time and then what I am going to do after I graduate, what job I'm going to get, how much money I'll make, and so on and so forth. These thoughts produce anxiety and stress that only make it more difficult to deal with these issues. If I had no choice but to worry my daily life would be strenuous and without joy. Thankfully, there is another option. God doesn't want us to worry about our lives at all. He knows that anxiety can greedily steal away our strength and joy. He tells us in Philippians 4:6-7,

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

What an incredible promise! God wants us to come to Him with our worries and anxieties and He promises us that when we do he will grant us peace and not just any peace but His peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I remember one day this past semester when I was working on a 10 page draft of a research project for one of my English classes. I had about four pages to go and I needed to send off a completed draft to two of my peers that night so they could review it for me. I had classes during the day and right after class I had worship practice so I knew I wouldn't be getting a considerable amount of work done on it until later in the evening. Now, usually I would be freaking out about getting it done on time but I wasn't. I was actually experiencing what it was like to place all your care on Jesus (I Peter 5:7) and to rest in His perfect peace. It was blissful.

It also made me wonder why I don't rest in Him all the time. If it feels so good to rest with Jesus why do I make every effort to exclude Him from my life? Why do I continue to believe that I can handle everything on my own, when deep down I know that I can't handle anything without my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ?

1 Peter 5:7 says to "cast all your anxieties on Christ because he cares for you." Jesus doesn't want us to carry a heavy burden. He wants us to be free. Bring your cares to Christ, leave your anxiety at the cross. Then walk. Walk and do not faint. Then run. Run and do not grow weary.

When God knows just what to say...

A quiet time on John 8:23 yielded one of the best experiences I have had during my times spent with God.

As I was reading John 8:21-30, verse 23 stood out to me. Jesus is speaking and He says,

"You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world."

I was confused as to why this would stand out to me so I asked God what He would have me learn from it and I wanted to share with you what He said to me so here it goes:

Kayla,

Have you not realized what it took for Me to have you? Do you not yet understand the magnitude of your circumstances? You were a child of the devil, a citizen of this early world. I am the Son of God, a citizen of His heavenly and righteous kingdom. There is a great chasm between below and above and I stretched my arms across it for you! I did it for you! I suffered for you! I died for you! How can you still doubt your own worth? How can you despair of life and how can you compare yourself to others thinking that you should be the same as them or have the same things as they do. My dear, I didn't purchase you with My blood to make you become a clone of those around you. No! I purchased you with My very blood that you might stand out and be different! That you would know who your Maker is and fall in love with Me! Don't forget Me! Do not go after the lovers of this world. I will stop you! I will make My way go against you. I will not let you out of My arms. I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Do not forsake me now. Come, be quieted by my love. Let me rejoice over you with loud singing. Come my dear, My beautiful princess, let me speak tenderly to you. You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

I realized that I had been comparing myself to other people, trying to measure up to them or be like them. I've been struggling in this area for a long time. But God wants me to be unique. His body is diverse and He wants me to stand out from the crowd by becoming more like Christ, not by becoming like those around me.

Thank you God for exulting over ME with loud singing!!! (Zeph. 3:17)

Evangelism

Nearly every Monday night spent in Pigeon Forge, TN was spent going out into the streets of either Pigeon Forge or Gatlinburg and sharing the gospel. I remember my first night quite vividly. My team had been assigned Patriot Park in Pigeon Forge, and we parked the car in front of the cute little shopping center opposite the park. I was freaking out and so were my teammates. I remember saying, "Let's just get back in the car and go back to the cabin." I was probably thinking, "We don't really need to do this." That was Satan speaking through fear but even though we were all scared, team leader Carolina was there to save the day, speaking II Timothy 1:7 to us. "For God has given us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self-control." Isn't that awesome? Here we all were, scared and freaking out about approaching strangers and sharing the gospel with them and God, always being ready to help us combat the devil, whips out that verse, reassures us and brings us into willing obedience to him.

Now ready for anything the world had coming for us my partner and I approached our first victim (just kidding), our first person who we would share our illustration, known as the Bridge, with. He was a man, probably around his early 30s sitting with his adorable child who was heartily enjoying a very colorful lollipop that was also all over his face. So we approached him saying, "Hi, my name is Kayla and this is my friend Eriona. We're going around asking people to give their opinion of an illustration of the main theme of the Bible. Can we show it to you and get your opinion?" My friend was actually the one sharing this time so she started going through Romans 6:23 with him. About half-way through our presentation, the man's father came out of the store and we soon learned that the father was a pastor. We were amazed. All this time we had been sharing the gospel with the son of preacher. They allowed us to finish our presentation and we learned that the son was saved. That night was very encouraging even though after that we got several rejections. Each week it got easier but there were always those butterflies that refused to relent.

Now that I'm back on campus I wanted to put to use everything that I had learned over STP and for the past two weeks now my friend and I have been going out together once a week and sharing the bridge together. I can't wait to see what God has in store for us for the rest of the semester!

What do I know of holy?

"but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy.'" ~I Peter 3:16

What does it mean to be holy?

A word study on net.bible.org produced these definitions:

holy: set apart to the service or worship of God; reserved from profane or common use; free from sinful affections; pure in heart; godly; guiltless; acceptable to God

Oswald Chambers has this to say on the subject of holiness,

"Never tolerate, because of sympathy for yourself or for others, any practice that is not in keeping with a holy God. Holiness means absolute purity of your walk before God, the words coming from your mouth, and every thought in your mind--placing every detail of your life under the scrutiny of God Himself."

WHOA! God demands holiness, absolute purity, in EVERY aspect of my life. But how can this holiness be attained when every aspect of my being--my speech, my actions, my thoughts, my desires and feelings, my mind, soul and body--is completely, totally and all-inclusively infected, degraded and depraved by my sin?

We need to be holy and live holy lives--anything less is unacceptable to God. We gain this holiness through a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is our substitute, our propitiation for our sins. His righteousness is transferred to us and God reconciles us to Himself through him.

"God can put [us] into perfect oneness with Himself through the death of Jesus Christ, without a trace of anything coming between us any longer."

-Oswald Chambers

My fellow Christians, my brothers and sisters in the Lord,

Do you believe that we need to be holy? Do you believe that God can come into you and make you holy through the blood of Jesus Christ? Search your being. What parts of your life do you still need to surrender to God? What unholiness are you tolerating in your own life? Are you willing to give up the sin in your life so that God can work his holiness in you and bring glory to himself? Ask your heavenly Father, who is ready and willing to do all that you ask of him, to transform your heart, to give you a heart of absolute purity. We are called to be holy, and even more, we are destined for it. Don't let anything hold you back from attaining it.

Hello, my name is Kayla.

So now that you know what I am not, it is time to show you who I am.

I am a sinner who has been redeemed by the blood of Christ. I am forgiven for every selfish act, lustful thought, and ungracious word. I am the Lord's, a new creation (II Cor. 5:17). I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God and bear Christ's image (Ps. 139:14). I am what God tells me I am, not the lies that the world dares to deceive me with. I am a bondservant of Christ, free from my sin and now a slave to righteousness. I am free from my sin, having been forgiven of every major and minor sin that I have committed in the past, am committing now in the present and will commit in the future. I am free from condemnation (Rom. 8:1). God is always with me and he has promised to never leave me or forsake me (Heb. 13:5). I have strong confidence in the Lord and the Lord is my confidence. I am a beautiful and mature young woman of God who has purified me by the blood of His Son. I am his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that he has prepared me for (Eph. 2:10). He has begun a good work in me and has promised to bring it to completion (Phil. 1:6). I am therefore, valuable and significant. I am fun, funny, silly and yes, a little weird. I am smart and have valuable opinions and insights to offer others. I am a child of God (John 1:12) and I am precious in his sight (Is. 43:4). God will give men in return for me and peoples in exchange for my life (Is. 43:4). He has loved me with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3). I am lovable and worthy of pursuit for the Lord has loved me faithfully and pursued me relentlessly. I am who God made me to be and far be it from me to be anyone else.

This year is the beginning of a new season in my life. I'm throwing away the mask and forgetting my fears. This year I'm embracing the person that God created me to be and if anyone doesn't like me it doesn't matter because I wasn't created to please people; I was created to please God. His is the only opinion that matters.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ Jesus he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold the new has come." ~II Cor. 5:17

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." ~Ps. 139:14

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." ~Rom. 8:1

"for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." ~Heb. 13:5

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." ~Eph. 2:10

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." ~Phil. 1:6

"But to those who did receive him, who believed in his name he gave the right to be called children of God." ~John 1:12

"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for you life." ~Is. 43:4

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." ~Jer. 31:3

Stolen Identity continued...

My identity had been stolen by fear; by passing judgment on myself and others before even giving them a chance, before giving myself a chance. I felt like everyone was shutting me out, that they didn't like me or they thought I was weird or something. Then I realized the obvious--I was the one shutting everyone out, keeping my heart closed toward them and labeling them as unworthy of my trust. And I realized that the reason was that I wasn't comfortable with who I am and not only was I not comfortable with me but I didn't know who I was! So around this time a speaker gave a talk on finding out who you are (God has a funny way of teaching you what you need to learn at exactly the right time). One thing he said was that to find out who you are you have to figure out who you are not. The next morning my friend shared with me that for her devotion she was making a list of everything she wasn't and was then going to write a list of whatever was opposite of the other list. She encouraged me to do the same and I did. So my readers, here is what I am not:

I am not a relationship addict, a flirt or desperate for attention. I am not someone's toy. I am not a bra size or a pant size. I am not the clothes I wear, the house that I live in or the car that I drive. I am not the people I know or the attention I get. I am not the job that I work, the school that I go to or the major I pursue. I am not what people say about me or think about me. I am not how much I talk in groups or how much people notice me. I am not the devil's slave, a slave to others or even a slave to myself. I am not the sins I've committed, the past I'm ashamed of or the problems I've created. I am not alone and I am certainly not forsaken. I am not my struggles, my weaknesses or my insecurities. I am not the mistakes that I make or the stupid things that I say. I am not the instrument I play or the things that I do. I am not how many good quiet times I have in a week or how many times a day I pray. I am not the lies I've believed in the past or the lies that I believe now. I am not stupid, boring or inadequate. I am not ugly, worthless or unimportant. I simply am not.

Stolen Identity

This summer I learned that I care too much about what others think and say about me. I compare myself with others and always judge myself to be inadequate. I find it difficult to relate with others because I don't want to risk being real with them. I don't want to show others my true self because I feared they wouldn't like me, that they would judge or reject me. I wanted to let them into my life but my insecurities held me back. Instead, I would run away. The first couple of weeks of STP I kept to myself as much as possible. I preferred being alone to being around people because I knew I was safe alone. Safe from the judgement and rejection of others, and safe from embarrassing myself. As a result I noticed that I didn't bond as well with the girls in my cabin as everyone else did and I missed out on a lot. I didn't want to spend the rest of the summer on the outside of every inside joke so I tried to rectify the situation by being more outgoing. In my first attempt to be more social I went out with a group of people to grab some food. As soon as I got in the car I regretted my decision to go at once. My entire demeanor changed and it seemed that I was incapable of even manufacturing happiness. The second time I went on a hike with four other girls. I thought being with a smaller group would help matters but one small incident put me into a pretty terrible mood and I couldn't hide it. I'd always been able to mask my feelings fairly well. Why couldn't I do it now? From that incident and for the remainder of the hike my thoughts were focused inward. I couldn't understand why I was always the one who had trouble fitting in, who had difficulties opening up to people. I seemed to miss out on everything and I didn't understand why and it made me upset. All throughout my life I've felt like that, like a black sheep lost within a hundred white ones. When I found others that I could trust, that I could truly be myself with I stayed with them and they became my refuge but to the rest of the world I wore a mask of continual happiness. Nothing was ever wrong and nothing bothered me or made me upset. However, I soon realized that the line between my true self and my mask had become very vague. I didn't know who I was or what was part of the real Kayla and what was only manufactured. My identity had been stolen.

LuV iS a VeRb

As part of the program every Thursday we were required to take three hours, from 8-11am and have an XTAWG or an Extended Time Alone With God. This time was to be spent in God's word, in prayer, in meditation and just being still. As someone who struggles in her quiet times, this terrified me. The first Thursday came around and a lot of people were just so excited to get into the Word. I was smiling, trying to be excited but inwardly I was dreading the next three hours of my life. I did have a little bit of guidance from articles like "How to Spend a Day in Prayer" and "31 Ways to Praise" but I still wasn't thrilled about this whole XTAWG thing. After the first one, people would talk about what God had taught them or what verse he had laid on their heart. I remember coming up dry not feeling that I had any meaningful experiences during that time. I hoped that no one would ask me how my XTAWG was because i didn't want to have an unsatisfactory answer.

I didn't feel like I was experiencing God or capable of experiencing God the way my friends seemed to be and I was frustrated. I had also been struggling with feeling the love of God in my life for some time. I was even at the point of doubting my salvation, feeling like my heart was behind my head in that my head knew what the truth was but my heart lacked the same certainty. This scared me. This issue came up in one of my conversations with my team leader, Carolina. She asked me, "What do you think the signs are of someone whose heart has been changed by God?" I responded saying, "A repentant heart, a desire to be godly, confessing of Jesus as Lord and Savior, etc..." She asked me, "Do you have those desires? Are you willing to repent?" In tears I nodded yes. But again, this was only reassuring to my head. What about my heart?

I was doing my XTAWG outside and I was reading I Cor. 13 and the book of I John. (That's a lot talk about love by the way.) I paused for a moment and thought about how my friend Emily had gone in to work an hour early so I could get there at the time I had been scheduled to come in and I looked around me at the majesty of the mountains and the beauty of the earth around me and I remembered the work of Christ on the cross and I realized that God loves me. Pretty profound right? Ha! All these years of being a Christian, growing up being told that God loves me and this is my big revelation. Yes, God loves you, Kayla. I thought I knew that but something about that particular moment made me believe it, made me appreciate it.

God's love is not the love spoken of in love songs or the feeling of eternal bliss at the beginning of a marriage. God's love goes beyond that. It's something that we know we have by what God has done for us not by what we think we feel. Feelings are temporary and cannot be trusted. But God has shown his love for us through his Son, through the beauty of his creation and through other people. Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice, an action. Love is a verb! I challenge you this day to take the love that God has given you and to lavish it upon others. Love others extravagantly!

"God is love." I John 4:8

"Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all thing, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." I Corinthians 13:4-7

2 months + STP = 1 unforgettable summer

Imagine that for two months of your summer you will be living in Pigeon Forge, TN in a cabin with 11 other people (strangers, maybe acquaintances at best), working at Dollywood, and focusing solely on your relationship with Christ. Having been denied access to TV and internet and being cramped into tight quarters, you are forced into a world where you can't escape the present reality by running to your room and locking the door behind you or getting on facebook chat to talk with a friend who only tells you what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. You're forced to make good use of your time because if you don't do Bible study now there will be no time to do it later. Your day is scheduled from the moment you wake up to the moment you collapse on top of your bed from exhaustion. You wake up no later than 8am so you can do your quiet time, if not because you want to then because someone is bound to ask you about it later. Then you do a little bit of Bible study or whatever and by 10am it's time to get ready for work. Work from 11-7:30 and it's 8pm by the time you get home leaving you less than 10 minutes to get yourself somewhat presentable for A) evangelism, B) workshop, or C) Nav Night.

Sound intense? Yeah, it was. Would I do it again in a heartbeat? Yes, yes I would.

I spent my summer focusing on three things: 1) my relationship with Christ, 2) my relationship with others and 3) myself. I studied the book of 2 Timothy, did daily quiet times and weekly XTAWGs (Extended Time Alone with God) where I would spend three consecutive hours simply focusing on God, His word and prayer. I learned how to get along with other girls through living with them as well as relating to the opposite sex through work, Team Date Nights and casual interactions. I also engaged on 1:1 conversations with my team leader whose job it was to disciple me and to help me along the way during this spiritual journey. Through those conversations I was able to learn more about myself in 2 months than in my entire lifetime, but we'll get into that more later.

This blog begins as a description of what I learned at the Navigators' Smoky Mountain Summer Summer Training Program 2010 (SMS STP 2010). It will continue as a way to release a mask that I've worn for years without realizing it. May these posts about my experiences be as encouraging to you as my experiences have been to me.

Thanks for reading!

<3 Kayla